I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
