So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize