I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
