There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Quick, to the slutcave!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
