Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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