Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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