Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
