Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Oh god it's open bar.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
