his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
