nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
