i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
