Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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