And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
