We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
