i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
