we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize