Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Welp...herpes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
