I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
