Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
