drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
