Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
