god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
