U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We named our party play list daddy issues
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
