I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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