i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
