I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
