he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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