the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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