I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
