just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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