No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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