You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
