we have pet lesbian snakes
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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