Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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