Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
