watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
