discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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