Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
