I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't deserve a penis
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
