Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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