I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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