Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize