Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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