STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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