Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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