People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
