That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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