Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
