Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...

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(519): View more from Ontario

I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..

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(240): View more from Maryland

He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...

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(443): View more from Maryland

We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy

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(661): View more from California

Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.

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(785): View more from Kansas

What drink are we having for lunch?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom

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(407): View more from Florida

I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.

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