I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
