i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
