At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
