I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
