Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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