You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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