youre lurking in front of me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
