if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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