No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
