The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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