After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
smell my finger.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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