Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
