I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
