those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
