low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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