i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
