Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
