So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
