did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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