Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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