false alarm. still invincible.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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