literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This is my gift to your gina
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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