i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
