OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
