She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
